The insights in this blog post are solely for my benefit and development. But, just in case there is another soul on this planet who easily gets into power struggles, I thought I'd share my experience in case it can help you.My wife and I are embarking on a complete renovation (takin' 'er to the studs!...the house, that is) of a recently purchased house. This week, as part of our building permit application, I had to submit specific details about which gas fireplace we were going to install. Since we didn't submit it with the original building permit (we didn't know this was required, wasn't on the "Guided Process" of the "Easy Permits" section of the website), the inspector wanted to begin an additional permit with an additional fee and a little more delay.I'm not trying to build my case, but you can see the setup here. And if you know me, you know that I am waiting for Captain Picard to say "Engage!" in his Victorian theater accent...Yes, I originally referenced it as a "power trip" in my notes, but if I take full leadership responsibility, it's really a "power struggle", half of which is mine.I thought I had a relevant piece of information that might persuade the inspector to see my side of it. That was my first mistake, how I thought about it. "Getting him to see my side" only leads me into taking a stance and in this case, for the inspector to dig into his position.Because he has the rules, regs and authority on his side, his power base is derived from defending those rules and regs with his authority. But, I took a path I normally don't take (I've read about it and seen it demonstrated in fancy corporate leadership videos).I did state that I wasn't aware that the fireplace specs were required, maybe I missed something, but it wasn't indicated on the application or the website. The old me would have continued his back and forth of "Well, the building code is 14 inches thick, you can't expect us to put every little thing required on the application" with the inspector. I would have wanted to prove the point that they darned well should have had something about the fireplace, a common renovation feature, on that application!Instead, I remembered that my goal was to get the fireplace specs into the original permit without additonal fees or delays. So, I asked for that. But it was in the tone (not these words) of, "Okay, you got me, but will you see it in your heart to make an exception in this case?"After 2-3 seconds of awkward silence while he looked through the papers, he said "If you can get me two copies of this before the end of the day, I'll include it in the original permit.".....What? Okay! I'll be right back!So, long story short, the permit was ready the next day. I know there are those out there for whom this comes easily, but admittedly, I'm not one of them. Lots of relearning for me. So in your project and change management efforts, when you encounter similar human obstacles, keep these three things in mind:State your case once, nicely, innocently and factually. Then, suck up your ego and ask them to please make an exception this one time. You have to ask them, you can't demand them. You have to be okay with "no" because, quite frankly, you're already at no.In asking for help, realize that you can switch their power base from that of being ruling authority of the conversation, to that of being able to "grant" you something for which you will be indebted to them.When you succeed, you will have actually strengthened the relationship because you are able to sing his praises outside of the discussion, thus building his credibility with others and building your credibility with him.The power of benevolece trumps the power of "no". The desire to grant help to somebody is at our core. It's just that some of us want to feel more in control than others.Rememer this when figuring out the power structure in an organization or with an individual. Use it to your of advantage so that you can get what you need for your project and give them what they want in terms of retaining their power. Everybody is happier and Captain Picard gets to say "Lower the shields!" Related Resources:Read one our free articles: How Change Efforts Succeed
