A Lesson in Respect. A true story of how a little kindness can create a ripple effect on a community.As many of you well know, when you work at a particular place for any length of time, you get to know most of the staff at that location, even if you don't directly interact with them on the job. Some of the best relationships I have had over my years of teaching have been with the support staff - the front office personnel, the custodians, and the (mostly) women who work in the cafeteria, who I fondly refer to as "the lunch ladies."Although these folks may not have as much name recognition as the administration or faculty, we all know that the roles they play are vital in ensuring that our children receive a quality education. They keep the schools running in a more behind-the-scenes capacity.One day between classes, I went to our high school's cafeteria to get my lunch. As I was waiting for my food, I noticed that one of the lunch ladies seemed quite upset. Melody was a familiar face to me; I had developed an easy rapport with her over my several years of teaching at this high school. The tears in her eyes that day were a sharp contrast to the ready smile that I had come to expect as my typical greeting. Melody's shoulders were slumped, and her whole demeanor projected a look of utter dejection.I asked Melody if she was all right. In response, she shared that she had just been treated very rudely by one of the students. Her feelings were hurt and she, as an adult, felt demeaned by the uncaring words and attitude of the young student.As I was speaking with Melody, another one of my favorite lunch ladies came over to join our conversation. Priscilla is a kind, gentle woman. She exudes grandmotherly sweetness. She, just like Melody, always had a smile and an uplifting greeting for me. I asked Priscilla if she had experienced the same kind of treatment by the students that Melody had just described. Priscilla acknowledged that indeed she had.She elaborated on this by further explaining how, over the 30 years she had worked in food service, the kids' attitudes had changed. Gradually, a polite and pleasant demeanor had been replaced with a lack of respect for the lunchroom workers. Priscilla expressed what it seemed all of the women felt on a daily basis but had largely kept to themselves: the lunch ladies were sometimes treated as though they were invisible. Students were quite often rude and abrupt.When purchasing their food, they would throw their money down on the counter, deliberately avoiding eye contact with the women, making the exchange as impersonal as possible. They would often loudly complain about the quality of the food or the service to their friends while in deliberate earshot of the workers. They would carelessly leave trash and leftover food on the lunchroom tables and floors for the custodians and lunch ladies to clean up. (In fact, occasionally, I will still see a sign posted outside of the cafeteria that reads, "No More Tater Tots Until Further Notice" due to the number of potato pieces that litter the floor of the lunchroom on any given day.) Priscilla felt as though the students regarded them as servants and as second-class citizens. There was little to no acknowledgement of the basic humanity of the lunch ladies on the part of the students.While on many days Melody and Priscilla were able to simply shrug off the students' behavior, on this day Melody had simply had too much. "On some days it just gets to you," she lamented.I walked down the empty hall back to my classroom, saddened by how our culture often treats those who work in service positions. I vividly recalled how my own face would grow hot from the embarrassment that comes from unintentionally observing the cruel mistreatment of one human being by another. While waiting in line for lunch, I myself had often witnessed the appalling treatment of these senior women by their young patrons.Over time, I had grown close to the lunch ladies myself, as we always welcomed one another in the midst of our busy days. On the long walk back to my classroom, I reflected on the plentiful memories I had of my parents, who were always so kind to those in service positions and other traditionally lower-paying careers. I recalled specifically one time when my father went just a bit out of his way to stop a custodian he saw in the hallway and thank him for his service. Even as a boy, I was struck by the look in the man's eyes that day - the searching look he gave my father as if to ask, "Are you talking to me??" How sad that service workers in our culture are so unaccustomed to receiving a simple thank-you. My parents have both consistently modeled this kind of respectful treatment of others throughout my formative years. My parents are now "up in years," as we say, but they continue to find ways to treat others with respect and kindness. Just recently, my mother shared with me that they have hired Diane, a single mother to Hunter, a child with special needs, to come into their home and help with the house cleaning. Diane is grateful that she is able to bring her son to my parents' home to be with her while she works. There was joy in my mother's voice as she told how Diane comes early each week so they can chat for a bit before the work begins, and how she and my dad were looking forward to taking Diane to lunch after the cleaning was done one day. My parents are truly leaving a legacy of kindness in their lives.So, back to the story...Just a short time later that day, my afternoon students arrived, fresh from morning classes at their various high schools located throughout the surrounding two local school districts.Without mentioning any of the lunch ladies' names, I shared Melody and Priscilla's story with my class, as it was fresh on my mind. The kids seemed genuinely moved by the story. They were actually quite shocked and unaware that adults might get their feelings hurt! Some of the students came to the shameful realization that they could be counted among those who routinely threw their money at the women without so much as a glance or an acknowledgement. It was a teaching moment that I had not planned in advance. They wanted to talk about it further, so we did. We had a very meaningful class discussion about how we all treat others. This was a wonderful opportunity for me to see the more positive side of young people. From this one simple lesson, the compassion and empathy that already existed within each one of them was awakened. I saw that the students wanted to nurture the growth of these traits within themselves.Because these ideas are always best when they are applied in real life, I asked the students, "Do you think there is anything we could we do for these women?" The kids brainstormed about the different things we could do to make the ladies feel more welcomed. We could be a little friendlier, look them in the eye, and even ask them how their day is going.The next day I decided to take my class to the lunchroom before the long lunch lines began to form. I told the lunch ladies in advance that I was going to bring my class up and have them introduce themselves. I did not tell them about the previous day's class discussion. Instead, I shared some basic information about the work ethics part of my curriculum with the women. I pointed out that I was hoping to provide my students with an opportunity to learn how to properly introduce themselves to others - to make direct eye contact, connect with a firm handshake, and use confident body language. Priscilla, Melody, and my other colleagues in the lunchroom were more than happy to help with this lesson.I told my class to get up and follow me; we were off to meet the lunch ladies. I marched in with my ducklings following behind. We all crowded between the long, narrow, stainless steel serving counters, feeling a little awkward at first, and I shared that we were there simply to meet one another. The nervous tension quickly dissipated as I had each of my students introduce themselves, giving their name, home high school, and what they were enjoying most about our class. I then invited the lunch ladies to introduce themselves and tell what high school they had attended. This was an important point of connection. To know that some of these older women had graduated from local high schools, possibly even their own high school, made the ladies seem more like "real people" to the kids. They were instantly more relatable.I thought that this was a cool little activity and that the story would end there. However, what happened next really impressed me. Some of my students started going early each day to get their food. They began to ask the lunch ladies how they were doing each day. As the year unfolded, my students developed quite a relationship with this group of women. Some of the kids would good-naturedly brag about the previous weekend's triumphs of their favorite football teams, as they knew a few of the ladies were avid Denver Broncos fans. They came to know each other's names, and the ladies would ask the kids questions about their lives and how were things going for them.One day I was in the tiny back office of the cafeteria where the lunch ladies had their desks. I noticed that there were a few photos of some of my students on the wall. It dawned on me that the lunch ladies were collecting the wallet-sized senior pictures of my students. As the semester passed, their corkboard became covered with pictures from our class.The relationship between the lunch ladies and my students deepened with time. These kind women were becoming like extended family to my students. Some of the kids, perhaps those who came from homes where parents were less available, especially welcomed and enjoyed these connections. Often, the lunch ladies would pop into our class with a tray full of warm cookies. Priscilla and Melody even came to our graduation cer
