Parentification - who is the grown up here?Sallyann, the young protagonist of our last blog post, is one hard-working little girl (or little boy as the case may be)! Not only does she have to manage the complex demands of growing up in an industrial world, she must constantly assess Mother's (or the caregiver's) moods, and guess right what Mother will want at any moment, a quixotic goal for one so young. Especially when Mother's own disorganized attachment and early childhood trauma keeps her nervous system flipping capriciously between high aggitation (sympathetic arousal), what Sallyann experiences as aggression, and collapse (dorsal vagal arousal), what Sallyann experiences as a fearful absence. Who is the parent here? Sallyann has been placed in charge of Mother's moods, blamed for Mother's anger, and is the target of Mother's internal shame and grief at her own dependency and unmet needs. This child finds herself dancing on a teeter-totter not of her own making. Sallyann is taking care of Mother.
