A coworker, Pomela or as she likes to be called, "Pom", invited me to her wedding 3 months ago and still hasn't had it. This whole time she's kept a wedding planner book on a shelf behind her work desk but never opens it. Its pages full of ideas that took weeks of browsing Pinterest, the pink velvet binding stands out like a fluorescent vertebrae in a brown spine of otherwise dusty old office relics. This week it went missing. The following day of the missing pink book, an invitation shows up on everyone's desk. Pom's face turned brighter than the pink invitations embossed with foiled black lettering. The new girl whose wedding we were invited to copied the same wedding invitations and potentially ripped off her entire wedding planner. It was Pom's move to take her planner back. But first she had to read the invitations. Sure enough, right down to the identical font, was the wedding invitation Pom dreamed up over the summer but never delivered. The new girl made one glaring error on my invitation, however. Instead of writing "Doctor" in full, she left "Dr". Now I share the same name as the street address, "Springfield Dr". When writing an invitation, fill out the title of the guest in full: never abbreviate. And now: The Do's and Don't of Wedding Invitations (The Errors That Last Forever): Don't use "Doctor" instead of "Dr." "Reverend" instead of "Rev". Never write "Rev" unless he's your old biker friend. It's okay to write "Mr." or "Mrs" but not okay to write "Mister" or "Misses". Only use a person's full name. Write out the whole street name too. Not st name or ave name or dr name. Street, Avenue, or Drive name. If you're inviting two people who live together but aren't married, the girl gets top billing and the individual names appear on separate lines. Write "and" and not &. Anyone know what that's called? Ampersand. It's also the monkey in Y the Last Man, which is how you can remember the girl roommate gets top billing on invitations. Write out the full name of the state and be careful not to write too many s's in Missississippi. The wedding took place at a church behind a refrigeration plant. The plant specialized in freezing roses for weddings overseas and in the Himalayas. American roses or as foreign marketplaces refer to them, "roses" with an accent, symbolize achievement and were first used by mountain holy men who married those who climbed the highest peaks. The bride and groom did not use them in their centerpieces and bouquets. Instead they selected wild flowers and blue lilies, but it's nice to fantasize what idea wasn't in Pom's copied wedding planner. Oh wait, this wasn't fantasized, this was the plot to an Office episode.
