There's this photo of Tina Fey I've always loved. I remember seeing it and being struck by the realness, even though I didn't fully understand the realness at the time. It's a picture of her working at her desk, which is a mess, and her daughter playing under her desk, also in the midst of a mess. I think it was an ad, but I remember seeing that photo and was like YES! This looks like a life I could see myself living. And 10 or so years later, I am. And I love it. I didn't know a year ago I'd be in this place, self-employed, actually in the middle of the life I'd hoped for for so long. But this is it. I'm here. It's all that I want, but not without the hard stuff. There are days I miss being around adults and having a place outside the house to work. There are days I struggle with balancing being a badass bosslady and being a badass mom. Like, every day. I dream big about being supermom and having an overabundance of lessons and art projects and enriching things to do with Lil. And then there are days she watches PBS all day while I work. The mess isn't always the room I'm in, although there's plenty of that. Sometimes the mess is in my head or my heart, yearning for the stability I used to have in knowing I'd be paid every other week, how much, and that we didn't really have to worry. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, and so I've decided to begin a new series, for no one other than myself. But of course I'll share it with you. As a photographer, I'm always behind the camera. As a mom, I'm always taking pictures of Lily. I can't wait to have #2 and seize ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHIC OPPORTUNITIES. I love photographing Sean and Lily together. Even if 90% of the photos are of them napping together. But it's time to get in front of the camera. We are blessed to live in an age of technology that allows me to work on a project like this. I'm blessed to be working from home and have the time to do this. I want to be in the picture. I want to show the beauty, the struggle, the love, the joy, the difficulty and craziness of motherhood and working from home and pursuing my dreams. More than that, I want my kiddos to be able to see me in their lives the way I do, in the every day, not just in a posed family picture every now and then. I'm not sure how often I'll post. It'll depend on life, and it doesn't really feel right to structure this in any way. But I'm excited to begin, and to share, and I hope it inspires you to also get in the picture.
